I Knew Not What I Had

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

Title: I Knew Not What I Had
Author: KliqzAngel
Series: Make You Want Me. Make Me Want You
Sequel to: You made your choice, and now I make mine.
Actors: Jared Padalecki and Christian Kane
Pairing: Jared/Christian
Prompt: Rage
Content: M/M Relationship, Dom/Sub Relationship
Word Count: 372
Rating: R

Previous Parts: Here




I hate you. How dare you.

How dare you forbid me! How dare you leave me like this, then you try to take them from me? Who do you think you are!?

And then you take it? You take what is MINE! IT’S MINE! IT’S MINE I EARNED IT AND I WANT IT BACK!

GIVE IT TO ME!

My hands swing and the lamp shatters. That sniveling coward that was here is gone. HE was weak. He was weak like you. He wasn’t giving me what I want. He can’t give me what I want.

I’m not sure at this point I can even remember that the reason for that is, because what I want, what I need is you. I don’t remember what I want isn’t always what I need, isn’t always what is best for me. I don’t remember that was the reason I went to you to begin with, to decide for me, to take care of me when I couldn’t do it for myself.

I don’t remember I love you. I don’t remember I can’t breathe without you.

I only remember the hate.

And I don’t think that’s even real.

My house is in shambles, but I don’t care. I can feel it in me still. I thought It was all free, but it just keeps coming. The rage, the need, the anger, the pain… the bad pain won’t go away. The kind of pain that cripples me, t he kind of pain that locks me away until I can’t see anything but darkness around me.

I can’t even think anymore. It’s the rage, it’s an all consuming anger that’s taken over me and I can’t think about anything but you.


Even in my anger that hasn’t changed.


I can’t see that I’ve lost everything. I can’t see that my inability to trust and be patient has robbed me of the very thing I need to survive. I can’t see my rage is really at me.

I punch, I break, I bleed, I scream, I destroy.

I cry, I weep, I sob.

I lose.

I fall to the floor and curl into a ball clutching my knees to my chest. I break, I shatter.

I cease to exist.

Comments

[billysgirl5.livejournal.com]

There's a lot of pain and self-loathing going on inside of Chris. I just hope that he realizes that he needs Jared before it's too late.

[billysgirl5.livejournal.com]

Such pain and self-loathing is going on inside Christain. I just hope that he realizes he needs Jared before it's too late.

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

Chris is a smart boy. The stories I posted today reflect that I think. He's coming a long way. I am glad you are still enjoying this.

[dreamers-dh.livejournal.com]

Hard to read.

But very good!

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I am glad things came though well. It is a hard part in the series.

[audeamus22.livejournal.com]

youre writing is awesome hun! You know I love this so much. ARGH! fix them! *whines* hehe poor boys!

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

Thanks Ma'am!

AND I DID! *g* All in my own sweet time.

[lycaness.livejournal.com]

Jesus, you're seriously killing me here.
Jared get back there and fix him damnit!!
*sobs*

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

Me? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo

Seriously you know I like dishing out the heartbreak.

And honestly I don't think it ws Jared that needs to do the fixing.