The Voice. The Secret. The Pain.

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

Title: The Voice. The Secret. The Pain.
Author KliqzAngel
Series: Make Me Want You. Want You to Make Me.
Actors: Jared Padalecki and Christian Kane
Pairing Jared/Christian
Prompt: Voice
Content: M/M Relationships, Dom/Sub Relationship
Rating: NC-17
Notes: This series will be darker in nature, but I don't do things without happy endings. All but one story has come out in first person POV, which I don’t write much so I hope it comes out alright. This is for the prompt challenge over at jaredchris.
Summary: The voice is the only thing he has to keep him from going over the edge, but it may not be enough anymore.

audeamus22 I hope this lives up to your expectations!



It’s the voice on the other end of the line that pulls me back from the edge. That drawl all thick and easy and unassuming. It’s so deceptive. It lulls people into thinking he’s too soft to do the things that I need him to do to me. It makes people think he’s too innocent to love to bring the pain he inflicts on me. It makes him mine and me his. It makes this secret mine and mine alone to share with only him.

I know the truth. I know the man under the voice. I know the hands. I know the arms. I know. I know what the looks mean that only I get to see. I know what lurks beneath the surface of those puppy dog eyes. I know that the puppy dog is really a Rottweiler and I beg for everything he brings me.

Only now he’s too far away. Too far to give me what I need to take away the urge to just jump off that cliff in front of me. He says he’s close, and he is. So, close and yet not close enough to be able to do to me what I need done.

See I can feel it lurking beneath the surface. I can feel it crawling under my skin, looking for a weak spot where it can break free of the cage he it put it into. I need it. I need him.

And, if he only knew he’d fix it, but I am stubborn and not ready to admit he knows what I need better than I do. So I stay quiet, and he stays ignorant. Every day I slip a little closer to the edge needing the release only he can give me to keep me up here on the cliff.

But, all I have is the voice. That sexy deep drawl that can strike with the deadly precision of a rattler one second, and soothe away all the pain in the next. And, I need that. I need the pain and the soothing. I need all of the bad taken away, and the good brought back.

But he’s not here, and I’m not there, and it’s not going to go away anytime soon.

It’s telling me things right now that voice, telling me things to do to myself to tide me over ‘til he can get to me, to bring me what I need. Things that would be ok if I hadn’t slipped so far from where he thinks I am, from where it is that he left me. But self inflicted pain isn’t working anymore. I can tell in the way I snap at everyone, and soon I know it will be even him. I can feel the arrogance and the attitude taking over again, pushing away the real me, shoving away all he gave me.

At night I clutch at the strip of leather around my throat, and cry desperate tears in the darkness where no one can see. When the light of day comes, I shove down all the loneliness and the anguish. When he calls and asks, I hide all the frustration bottling it away inside deep where I think it can’t get out.

Only it’s not buried so deep anymore.

It’s getting closer to the surface every day.

And yet, still I lie and insist everything is ok.

Because I can handle it.

I can handle everything. I can do it all. I can because I am Christian Fucking Kane.

And he’s just a happy puppy dog named Jared Tristan Padalecki, because the voice isn’t enough anymore, and I have lost.


The End

Comments

[kliqzangel.livejournal.com]

HA! You know me dear, I always get to the happy ending eventually.

But yeah... it hurts so good huh? *g*